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Family
fulfills circle caring for parents
The Oregonian - Sunday,
February 9th, 2003
A grandmother and
her daughter recently came to see me with some concerns - among
them were the grandmother's worries about her health. In our
conversation, it became clear she did not want to become a burden
to her children. When I asked her if her children saw her as a
burden, she quickly replied, "Of course not!"
Undoubtedly her
daughter, who was present, did not see her as a burden. Yet this
attitude on the part of our society toward the elderly is becoming
increasingly prevalent. The visit resulted in a wonderful
conversation about the blessings of responsibility.
One of the gifts
we have received from God is free will. This freedom of
self-determination makes possible the greatest of all virtues and
powers: love.
Free will also
presupposes responsibility. We are accountable for our actions,
for our thoughts and for our decisions.
One of the current
maladies of our society is an increasing avoidance of personal
responsibility, largely because we do not see it for the gift that
it is. I asked this grandmother who feared becoming a burden to
her children if she thought it burdensome to raise those same
children when they were young. She smiled, looking over at her
daughter sitting beside her, and that smile spoke a thousand
"nos."
She knew God's
gift of motherhood provided her the opportunity to be enriched and
deeply changed for the better. Motherhood bestowed upon her the
chance to cooperate with God in bringing new life into this world,
to give her own flesh and blood to another.
Raising her
children gave her the opportunity to exercise self-sacrificial
love and patience. She was able to nurture and help shape the
future through her children. All her gifts and talents and all
that is good and noble were brought out through caring for her
young children. Although it was difficult and challenging,
certainly she did not consider it a burden.
Blessed
responsibility The blessed gift of responsibility expressed
through child raising is often maligned today. Too many see it as
an infringement upon their freedom. This sadly occurs because too
many have accepted the lie that true fulfillment can be found in
oneself.
The truth is that
we are at our best when we are seeking opportunities to serve
others, especially when we are able to see in them the face of
God.
We then applied
her feelings about spending the time and energy to raise children
to her own children and their responsibility to their parents. It
is a very natural part of the cycle of life for children to take
care of their aging parents.
Becoming parents
does not mean we are mature adults; it is easy to make babies.
Raising children responsibly, however, goes a long way in
preparing us for adulthood.
In a similar way,
responsibly caring for our aging parents and helping them cross
over the inevitable threshold of death is anything but burdensome.
It is natural and beautiful.
As people age,
they naturally become more needy -- they begin to resemble
children in many ways. Life comes full circle. The children grow
up and have the blessed opportunity to take care of their parents.
Love is answered with love; self-sacrifice is rewarded with
self-sacrifice.
The children who
were born into a loving, nurturing environment provide the same
for their elderly parents.
Circle of life
Much of the sting and mystery of death is removed when the family
surrounds their loved one in the final season of their life.
Preparing a loved one for death, in the familiar and safe confines
of their own home, in the loving embrace of their children, brings
all involved face to face with their own mortality. It is a
college education in the true meaning of life.
So many people
today are lost at the midpoint in their lives largely because they
are not ready to die. They fear death because they have not feared
God. Consequently, they are not ready to meet him or to face
eternity.
Many of the same
reasons that motivate the young to value worldly pursuits over the
blessed responsibility of raising children full-time also motivate
the middle-aged to look to similar pursuits for fulfillment rather
than finding peace and joy in using their time, their talents and
their resources to care for their aging parents.
That grandmother
came into my office believing she was a burden. Through our
conversation, she reflected with her daughter and me the joys of
her own motherhood. It was through this reflection that we all
realized what a blessing she is to her own children.
They have a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to give of themselves to the woman
who has given so much. In giving, surely they will learn what she
has learned as a mother -- that in giving you receive so much more
and become the true beneficiary.
The
Rev.
Theodore Dorrance leads St. John the Baptist Greek Orthodox
Church, 10144 S.W. Park Way in Beaverton. He can be reached at
503-292-3737.
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